Today, my new roomie, "Pi Phi" moved in. Sure, she has a name, but it doesn't matter- cuz she's a sorority sistah. If I make her nickname Pi Phi, maybe more sorority girls will visit 2skinnypros.com. How? I'm hoping that a Google search for the UVA chapter of Pi Beta Phi will bring 'em in.



Joking aside, Pi Phi will be a sweet roomie, and will totally not be sketchy. While the P-Hen has been single-handedly responsible for my personal renaissance of the past year, I expect that Pi Phi will be my decline.

Already Pi Phi is producing comedy. Since Pi Phi is only moving up from downstairs in the building, she can take trips up and down the stairs selecting whatever she pleases to bring. I have secretly noted the order of the move-in. First were clothes, second were shoes, third were shelves, and fourth were photos & sorority photo collages. It wasn't long until the place was decorated:


(blurred for privacy)

Also, Pi Phi has added some kitchen appliances. I'm pretty happy about this one:



It's a cow hot-sammy maker. There is a button under the cow's head- if you press it, it moos. I can't wait to have cow sammy.

Also, I made a new addition to the Characters page. No, it's not Pi Phi- but I have a sense that she may be in the future.

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Just doin' regular person bike racer stuff down here in C-Vegas. Trainin', eatin', relaxin', and drinkin' beer & playin' poker.




Also, sad news. The P-Hen & Cool Honey have moved out of my apartment. 2skinnypros will be hosting a memorial service shortly. But, good news is that a new roomie, whose pseudonym has not been finalized, will be movin' in. She's a very special girl, and I can only pray that she will cook me stuff all day and pay for OLN.

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Saw Mom, Dad, Sis, & the Grandparents in a supa-crazzz trip to NJ for Father's Day weekend. I raced Housatonic Hills with Davide, which didn't go as well as I hoped... but the week's training and stufftodo had been volumnous. No big whoops. The visit home was great- in 4 days I went to 2 (two!) parties, went to the beach and shopped with the little sis, worked at Dad's bike shop, fixed two major computer viruses on family computers, had breakfast with grandma (aka Mom-Mom) and also squeezed in some rides. The rides were so bad that I wanted to cry and also get a gun and use it on the New Jerseyans. I got yelled at probably about a dozen times, and flicked off. Visiting NJ is like chewing on the grizzle of cheap beef.

On my long ride, a Jerz'd out Dodge Neon pulls up next to me, the passenger flicks me off and called me a "special" name, and then proceeds to serve up a nitro-booster blow-by, which scared my pantaloons off and I went into the gutter. It seriously had a nitro booster. This, more or less, was the car:


The violent gutterous blowby earned me my the first flat of my ride- a thorn.

My next flat was caused by some glass. I stopped to fix it, inflated with my 2nd and final CO2, and got back on the bike... and the tube blew out. I suspect that I probably damaged my 2nd spare tube when it got caught in the zipper of my saddle back after the 1st flat. Anyway, I had TRIPLE-FLATTED and my only option was to ask the neighbors for a pump. Nobody was home, and I was SOL. I called Saint Thomas for a ride and waited. Fortunately, there was a ride-on lawnmower for sale where I flatted, so I enjoyed pretending to drive it while I waited.





And finally, I visited my favourite dentist in the whole world. Dr. Zimmerman. Dr. Z's a great dude- the kind of guy that keeps you smiling even though you're getting 4 root canals in one visit and you're whole face is numb, even your eyes. He fixed me up when I lost my 4 front teeth back in 2001. A bike rider himself- we share a special connection. Tragedy struck on Monday when Lisa, the new hygenist (also a bikin' gal) discovered a poss cavity in #17 (yea people, that's a wisdom tooth- deez jaws are large). Dr. Z verified the cav in #17- MY FIRST CAVITY EVER. Here's food for thought: cycling... energy drinks... sugary GU packets... cavity in wisdom tooth... cycling causes holes in your wisdom.

Chim chim charooooo!!!

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I love 'em. I love plants. House plants, garden plants, wild plants, power plants. We've had a rainy week, and my herb garden is really taking off. Basil, fennel, mint, chives, oregano, sage, rosemary... hells yeah. Also my miniature African violet has begun flowering. It's really difficult to keep an African violet healthy, but this little bugger has about two dozen flower buds ready to bloom.

I'm just like ET the extra terrestrial. When my plants are struggling, I am sickly and shrivelled. When my plants thrive, I am happy and strong, like these honeys:


In other words, the lull is over. Time to kick ass and take names.

I raced the Philly International Championship last week. At the start line I lined up next to Lars Michaelson from the CSC team. He looked at me. I looked at him. He studied my eyes, and he knew immediately that my flowers were blooming. I saw beads of sweat forming on his brow.

Well, I didn't exactly drop the CSC team, but I did have fun racing aggressively. On lap 3 I crested the wall at the front of the field and attacked over the top, just for fun. On lap 6 I attacked and went clear with a 30-40 second gap. I rolled solo over Lemon Hill, which was totally sweet. The crowd was awesome, and I even heard a "go skinnypro!" when I turned towards the finish line in front of the Philly art museum. Coming into the start/finish area, I hit a huge divet in the road and my hands slipped off the bars. I nearly dumped it in front of 3000 spectators. But I didn't. About a minute later the field caught me. They were going really fast and I had to dig pretty deep to jump in the single-file train.

I finally cracked after about 120 miles of the 156 mile race. Maybe I could have finished the race if I raced conservatively, but what fun would that be?

Once I was dropped, my last time up the wall was a little more relaxed.*


I think I heard some Snoop Dogg lyrics blastin' from a Manayunk party:

Rollin down the street, smokin indo, sippin on gin and juice
Laid back [with my mind on my money and my money on my mind]




*photo "borrowed" without permission from Missing Saddle Cycling News (www.missingsaddle.com)

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While my squad was racing Philly, I decided to use my anxious energy to slam out a CP30 power test.

Back in January before t-camp I did a test and averaged about 335 watts with average heartrate of 181. That was pretty crappy. Yesterday, ~5 months later, I did 371 watts with average heartrate of 173. That's pretty good for the Ayers. That's 5.3 watts/kilogram for a 30-min effort. Finally I have surpassed the magic number of 5.1 required to avoid the ankle-chewing dogs of Afton Mountain.



Also, if you didn't know... Christoph won Philly!
(a Philly cheesesteak)

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I am sick and tired of not being able to piss off the bike in bike races. I can do it JUST FINE in training when it's pee-pee time. I only peed off the bike during this week's training. I must have a psychological block about peeing during the race with all those dudes around and the race commissarie eyeing my equipment. This is the attitude I need to adopt in order to pee in a bike race:


Perhaps I should try the pee-wee position for peeing off the bike:


Or, perhaps this dog-style position works the best?


I am at home pretty frustrated about not racing the Triple Crown in Pennsylvania. The Colavita squad is certainly deep, and despite my good results this year, DS Frankie McCormack cites my lack of experience in racing with the team as a primary reason for not being in the 8-man roster. Fair enough. But, it's definitely difficult to get the full team experience when I only do a few team races per year. Patient, young man...

I wonder if Christoph's LULLLING STRATEGY works on this guy:

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Hey people! Greetings! Salutations! I missed you too!

Yes I am alive. and my SRM is not for sale. (yet)

I think I have become...... yes.......it's true....... riff-raff. (gasp!)

Joe Martin Stage 3- DNF
Captech Classic- DNF
Lancaster- DNF

The last time I remember getting dropped so frequently I was 15 years old, riding a 62 centimeter steel Schwinn World Tour, jamming the local group ride in a royal blue jersey with "ZOOM" written in big yellow bubble letters.

Back then I was getting dropped by a guy nicknamed Grandpa Squirly.

Well, these days I'm getting dropped by the likes of Bobby Julich, Ivan Stevic, and Chris Wherry, but the sensation is still the same.

Is Christoph fadding? Is he burnt out? Is he a has-been?

Maybe, but probably not. This is the lulling phase. I'm leading the competition into a false sense of security. They see me getting dropped, and they think "hey this Herby guy is not quite as fearsome as he looks." Yeah, that's right! My opponents' confidence has never been higher. I've successfully lulled 'em!

This is also known as the George W Bush Combat Strategy. Let them think they're winning.


When I show up at Philly wearing a button-down floral shirt, the lulling phase will be complete.

So what's next? I'm gonna' take a break. Relax. Help my ying find my yang, if you get my drift.

Then I will resume training and have another go at it. Fitchburg? Looks good. Altoona? Yeah baby!

If that doesn't work out, I am also really excited about becoming a firefighter, learning carpentry, and flying helicopters.

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Brendan Newman was a friend of mine at High Technology High School. He's from my hometown of Manasquan, NJ. We were all nerds at HTHS, but Brendan was our King. He looked the part, but was one of the coolest dudes I knew. I sat next to him in our Cisco Networking course for 2 years, and got to know America's most eligible student of technology. He wore XXL tie-dye tee shirts, with baggy jean-shorts, and the elastic of his socks towered over his penny loafers. Never too far from Brendan was his giant-sized Big Gulp. Not the guy that I'd choose to turn into a lean, mean, BIKE ACROSS THE COUNTRY machine. (www.brendanbikes.com)

You must click on this foto:


Brendan is participating in the Bike & Build program for Habitat for Humanity, and riding his bike across the USA. If there was ever a dude you should donate a few bucks to... it's Brendan. He's just a genuine guy who is really out there doing it- doing it for his compassion for humanity and to shape up and to get mad chicks.



Brendan came into Tom's Atlantic Cyclery last year (while I was working there) and I fixed him up with a great deal and a fitting on a Lemond Reno- complete with clipless pedals. Before he left the shop, happy as a clam, he told me that he was planning on racing the Asbury Park Criterium the next day. Realize that this man just purchased his first road bike & clipless pedals. This, folks, is why CAT 5 races are terrifying. Fortunately, Brendan crashed his brand new Lemond later that day- coming too hot into a residential turn. Otherwise, he might have taken out the whole CAT 5 field the next day.

So, I support Brendan 100%, and if you have a special place in your heart and some extra cash, he's the real deal. You can donate through his website www.brendanbikes.com. He leaves on the trip June 17th.

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