This just in, from our resident World Traveler.

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In January 2003 I was home for winter break in Salem, VA. My buddy Owen (1999 junior state champion of VIRGINIA!!!!!) came over and we screwed around on the mountain bikes. We did some pretty BA* stuff:

and some pretty DA* stuff:

Wear your helmets, kids.

*BA - acronym. A badass is someone that mixes courage with ability and style. Whether considered "good" or "evil," a badass is someone who can't be messed with or disrespected. If this occurs, usually (but not always), a badass settles things with an impressive display of physical violence.
*DA - acronym. Referring to someone as a dumbass means that they are unintelligent. Many people would find this term vulgar and rude.

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So last week I discovered that mangled 5-bone bill that I'd used as a tire boot, and today I finally took it to the bank. Brenda the bank-lady said "I ain't never seen this before, but I reckon we can turn it back into money." She promptly pulled some scotch tape out of her drawer and pieced strugglin' Lincoln back together again. Then she gave me a brand spankin new bill. When I got home I took a picture of my friend Abraham to post on this blog, and I made a startling discovery:

Notice the jaw structure. It's reassuring to now that Ian has a backup career prospect if only he can memorize the Gettysburg Address.

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A 120 mile bike ride needs an early start. Today included the last 6.5 hours of a 27 hour week, preceeded by a 24 hr week, and 20 hr week. I needed a super-power packed breakfast to get this bad boy going. So, what was on the menu?

- 6 egg whites fried in Colavita Extra Virgin Olive Oil, sea-salted, peppered
- 1 lb of Brown Cow Lemon Yogurt
- half of a box of Cap'n Crunch
- almonds
- about 26 supplementary pills
- 2 giant-sized cups of tea (i'm too cool for coffee)
- an apple

So, Christof, the Rog and I rolled out at 9. We ultimately went northeast towards Louisa. It's amazing, but in 6 years of being in Charlottesville, I'd never ventured out on these absolutely gorgeous rolling roads. There are just so many good roads here. At one of the food/drink stops, I accidentally bought distilled water for us to fill up our bottles. There was something different about it. What will it do to us? If someone knows please tell us. At the next stop, Christof and I celebrated the 4th hour of the ride with our ceremonial bag of CHESSMAN (by Pepperage Farm)! We used to get MINI CHESSMAN, but now that were PROS, we get the full sized bad boys. They were yruuummmmy.

Shiiiiez! I made a promise to Christof and to myself on today's ride. I promised to stop talking like Kim Jong Il on Team America. If you have seen the movie Team America, you know what I'm talking about, and you probably had the problem for a couple days after seeing the movie. However, I took it one step too far, and it got out and hand, and just wasn't funny any longer. So, here is a picture of my former sidekick:

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First a little background. Ian grew up in a household that did not season food. Basically, there was never, ever, a salt or pepper shaker to be seen, anywhere. My mom attributes this to my Dad's simple Scandanavian gustatory system, and my Dad attributes it to the fact that he likes to taste the food as it is naturally, without the seasonings 'masking' the flav. Well, regardless of how this lack of seasoning came to be in the Ayers household, it remains that I am ultra-sensitive to strong flavors and seasongs. A little too much pepper and my mouth will burn for a half an hour.

SO: I got into the resturaunt to work the other day, and as I was rushing around to get the opening duties faithfully fulfilled, the chef calls me into the kitchen to taste a new mayonaise he whipped up. Sure, what the heck, he's the boss and I'm a starving cyclist. So, without thinking, I take a spoonful of this mayo-type junk. I smear it around my mouth, but there wasn't really any flavour. About 7 seconds later, there was some tingling, and about 2 minutes later, I looked like this:

It was a Habanero puree. HOOOOOLY MOOOOOLY. I ran around like a screaming girl, and it took 2 days for my taste buds to heal. Why was I the recipient of this wonderful experience? I'm the new guy, and I'm an easy target.

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Today was a marathon day of rediculous overcommittment. The simple plan was to do a gym workout for an hour, then ride 4 hours with some 30 minute zone 3 sections. But, I also needed to add 2 spin classes and an evening of waitering into the equation. So, long story short, it was nonstop confusion from 6:30am to 10pm. The highlight of the day was riding the trainer in the BRAND NEW cycle room at the Boars Head Sports Club, with Desyn Masiello cranked on the system- and I mean craaanked. That took care of the zone 3 for the day.

I added some Michael Jackson into the spin mix today, and entertained myself by hitting all of the "ooooo - hoooo"s in "Black or White". You know what I'm talkin' about!!!! oooo - hooo! The women in the class seemed to be entertained, but the men probably were thinking that I was gay. I'm not. (sorry, Christof)

Here is a photo of me doing this blog tonight. Take note of the totally awesome laptop bed desk thing, and the 2 gigantic icepacks on my knees. I am getting used to the new cycling shoes, and so I think that a little preventative icing will help out, just in case there is some inflammation brewing up under deez kneekapz.

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Last week I got a nasty flat tire when a piece of glass sliced a big ol' gash into the sidewall of my tire. Like a real McGuyver on wheels, I had to improvise a tire boot. Since it was a short ride, I didn't have any energy bar wrappers to stick in the tire, but I did have a $5 bill in my seat pack, reserved for emergencies. Well I stuffed that sucker in the tire and it held the tube in there like a charm. I rode it for about week before I decided I could really use my 5 bucks back. When I pried the tire off this is what I saw.


I've heard that it's legal tender if you have more than 50% of the serial number. We'll I've got the whole freakin' bill, so I'm going to take Abraham to the bank and see if if I can trade him in. Stay strapped in to the edge of your seat to find out what happens!

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Tha P-Hen is my roomate. There are many, maaaany ways in which I could use words to describe the P-Hen. But, I think that this photograph, taken during a routine sorting of our recycling bin, pretty much summarizes tha P-Hen: (we recycle everything, even each other's jokes)

Today was one of the rare days that I consumed 12 egg whites. I had 6 in the AM, before teaching my cycle class, and 6 before bed. Some days I get huge cravings for those delicious balls of protein... perhaps it is because my body needs protein. Tonight I was over at Christof's house, and Christof's friend from Switzerland, 'B', was visiting. Those Europeans made me some crepes. Yea, the real kind. They were yrummmmy! We also played UNO, but it was the international version, which meant that instead of the cards saying "skip", or "reverse", they just had clever little icons that indicated those actions.

Got the new Shimano shoes that we'll be racing in 2006. I must say that they're pretty hot. I will starting to wear them on my easier days to get used to them. They're Shimano's top-of-the-line road shoe, and they feel light as a feather on my footzies. Some serious XM-Dub's will be produced in these bad boys this year:

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So I was browsing through the duty free shop in Geneva airport last week, and I came upon this sight. It was hard to ignore.

American cigarette boxes have a tiny white box with fine print from the surgeon general. These suckers had a variety of phrases printed in huge block letters:

Smoking Kills.

Smoking can cause a slow and painful death.

Smoking seriously harms you and others around you.

Smoking when pregnant harms your baby.

Smoke contains benzene, nitrosamines, formaldehyde and hydrogen cyanide.

Smoking damages the sperm and decreases fertility.

Now that's just what I call a serious message. "For only 12 Euros, you can ruin your life. Thanks for your business!" That should be enough to get any fool to quit pounding the hausersticks.

Let's hear it for honesty!

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Folks, I'm back in C-ville after smashing into the new year with Dad in Europe. It was awesome travelling with my sista' and spending some QT - qual time - with Poppa Herby.

We spent 3 days in Zermatt. The skiing was spectacular: deep dry snow and crystal clear weather. I couldn't contain my joy on top of the world and I broke down into a funky dance.

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Paisley (of Blue Wheel Bicycles here in Charlottesville) made this one-of-a-kind brewski opener for me. It is made from the seat stay of a Genesis Gary Fisher rear triangle. Scott picked this particular seat stay for me because he knows that Genesis is my favourite band. He is now mass producing these puppies from junked frames- click image to enlage & contact me to order one!: (btw, it works great)








Also, I realized that there is something really great about the year 2006. This time of year, like most people, I always write 2005 as the year on checks, etc... Fortuntately, it's super-easy to repair the 5 into a 6! This will happened every decade, too!!! Check it out:




And, ALSO, there's more to be excited about. Hoverboards will be invented in only 9 years!

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I just received this email from Christof in Switzerland with instructions to blog it, because Christof forgot the password to the blog site, even though he picked the password.
**************************
ian+++

how's my fothamockin' best bro doin'?

this big donger is back in geneva after spending some time in france with pops and sista herby. we went down to this little town called Ramatuelle on the mediterranean coast. 100% freakin sweet. the weather was cool and sunny, and the roads were spectacular. this town was so cool and old and historic and full of charm. i think some of the charm rubbed off on me which bodes well for my return to the charlottesville singles scene.

i rode my bike alot. dad rode his bike alot too, but we did separate rides due to critical incompatibilities in our CP360 wattages. my sister saddled up in some spandex for the first time EVER. 50 kilometers of chaffage later, she came to the profound conclusion "I prefer running."

i'm still recovering from the disaster that happened in my stomache over christmas. whatever got into my system has been fighting the noble fight, but i finally beat that shit down. echinacea comin' through strong. i don't care about "medical studies". that stuff works. echinacea makes your immune system stronger.

the riding suffered a little bit during my bout of sickness, but i'm back full'a'force now.

for new years eve we went to a restaurant that served "specialitées asiatiques". 3 Americans eating Thai food on the Cote d'Azur of France on New Year's eve. 3 cheers for globalism!

man, i'm tired and i need to go poop. better stop writing now.

hey I tried blogging but i discovered that I forgot the user ID. how lame is that?!? I guess I need to start blogging regularly.

here comes a good idea: post this email in the blog for me. the whole thing. no secrets here. no sir.

haha include the bottom part about ian almost got lucky. I don't care about ALMOST.

tomorrow we're going to Zermatt to ski for 3 days. the bike stays home.

thanks for keepin Charlottesville hot and fresh while I'm gone.

love,

Christoph

p.s. see attached pic of Ramatuelle, the product of another successful google image search. i'll have lots of fun pics when i get back.

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